Since these past 3 years in Bombay I've been trying to find me...I never really did...but then doesn't that always happen...just when you think you have everything figured...it all changes...for the good...but not always..so is the life of Wilsonians.
I was bitter about this college and all that goes on inside it. I'm more at peace with it now.
in fact I might even say I like college. I like going there in the rain, enter the classroom look at pleasant faces and pass a few smile which I truly mean. I don't fake it anymore like I would have in the first year just to make a few friends. I did make a few beautiful friends, lost a few dear friends and maintained cordial relationships with the rest of them. But no one was as dear or close to me like I would have wished coming from a boarding school where my friends were my family. Separation was painful, but like everything else, I got over it.
I don't know if it is right to say I grew up over the past two years because there is still so much I have to learn and every day I feel I learn new things and grow a little more.
I moved out of my old place where I lived with room mates into a cute single bachelorette pad. I had to take care of myself and it was predictably not so tough since I had grown up at a boarding where we took care of ourselves most, if not all the time. I grew up through that.
I faced difficulties, lost dear friends over petty misunderstandings and small issues which, when I look back now, I could have avoided but does an egoist ever step over her own pride to make someone stay? No. Not even a loved one..or a few loved ones.
I was never going to bend my rules and values to accommodate someone else's doubts and I have never wanted people who hate me still loitering in my life and creating more mess for me and my mind.
Moving on, Second year was about to start, I was interning at the Times of India for the Economic Times' marketing team and met this lost, hurt, confused and self obsessed girl who was being publicly hated and demonstrated against. What a pity, I thought and extended a hand of friendship.
I also made a few other friends and had grown to love them. A Sugar cube and a stubborn baby girl. These 3 girls were my life. All I woke up to and went calmly to sleep thinking of.
Sadhvi, Karishma and Dazy. these girls were my life and still, make up for quite a bit of it.
And then life never looked back. It kicked up from there and kept kicking ass.
Second year flew by and there I was, happier than ever but alas! I was failing in subjects I had never imagined. It was time for some reflection. Self intervention.
Who am I? What is it to be Me?
The ideal girl I would want myself to be by the end of college and where I am, at the dusk of college life were quite similar. Even though the start was rough, I had found my rhythm.
More serious about education than ever, and more focussed than I had ever imagined, I surprised myself at the onset of our final year in college. Seriousness and a sudden sense of emergency rushing through my spine about my future and what lay ahead. Especially when it all depended only on me. I had no one to blame anymore and that felt like I had been stripped off my comfort zone. My father asked me repeatedly about my future plans and I had no answer.
This shocked me! I at least wanted to have an answer if not a plan! But I did not. I had no clue where me life was going.
The little dreamy eyed girl who landed in mumbai back in 2008 with hopes and aspirations, ready to take on the world had lost herself in the city of dreams and had been woken up from her hibernation after 2 long, well not really that long but still very long years and had been thrown into a mesh of expectations and hopes from parents and a certain invisible thing called SELF.
I started discovering me through meditation and yoga and found that all pleasures were not in pleasing others but in pleasing SELF because if you did not satisfy others, it would not bother you much but if you did not satisfy yourself, it will just create another sensation I don't have a proper phrase for but it will not let you sleep at night! Like tonight! I think rather than venting out on others like I learned to do in the past one year, writing it out on a blog serves a better purpose.
I'm happy that I made such beautiful friends but I'm going to be content only when I find that something which gets me going like nothing does. Which makes me feel complete. Satisfied with my life and the way it is going.
I would want to learn more and more about the things that interest me and a little about things which don't but are important. A little more love and joy and a lot more seriousness towards my future. Exploring into what I really want. Filmmaking? Could it be?
I want to spread my wings and take flight over the world and see whats going on at what place and grasp it all and just be aware of stuff. Stuff I have no idea of right now!
My kinda girl is someone who knows exactly what she is doing, where she is going and what is going to happen over the next year in her life while the girl that I am has absolutely no idea about what is happening tomorrow and has already forgotten what happened yesterday. So lets hope I find me and make her the me I want to be.
I was bitter about this college and all that goes on inside it. I'm more at peace with it now.
in fact I might even say I like college. I like going there in the rain, enter the classroom look at pleasant faces and pass a few smile which I truly mean. I don't fake it anymore like I would have in the first year just to make a few friends. I did make a few beautiful friends, lost a few dear friends and maintained cordial relationships with the rest of them. But no one was as dear or close to me like I would have wished coming from a boarding school where my friends were my family. Separation was painful, but like everything else, I got over it.
I don't know if it is right to say I grew up over the past two years because there is still so much I have to learn and every day I feel I learn new things and grow a little more.
I moved out of my old place where I lived with room mates into a cute single bachelorette pad. I had to take care of myself and it was predictably not so tough since I had grown up at a boarding where we took care of ourselves most, if not all the time. I grew up through that.
I faced difficulties, lost dear friends over petty misunderstandings and small issues which, when I look back now, I could have avoided but does an egoist ever step over her own pride to make someone stay? No. Not even a loved one..or a few loved ones.
I was never going to bend my rules and values to accommodate someone else's doubts and I have never wanted people who hate me still loitering in my life and creating more mess for me and my mind.
Moving on, Second year was about to start, I was interning at the Times of India for the Economic Times' marketing team and met this lost, hurt, confused and self obsessed girl who was being publicly hated and demonstrated against. What a pity, I thought and extended a hand of friendship.
I also made a few other friends and had grown to love them. A Sugar cube and a stubborn baby girl. These 3 girls were my life. All I woke up to and went calmly to sleep thinking of.
Sadhvi, Karishma and Dazy. these girls were my life and still, make up for quite a bit of it.
And then life never looked back. It kicked up from there and kept kicking ass.
Second year flew by and there I was, happier than ever but alas! I was failing in subjects I had never imagined. It was time for some reflection. Self intervention.
Who am I? What is it to be Me?
The ideal girl I would want myself to be by the end of college and where I am, at the dusk of college life were quite similar. Even though the start was rough, I had found my rhythm.
More serious about education than ever, and more focussed than I had ever imagined, I surprised myself at the onset of our final year in college. Seriousness and a sudden sense of emergency rushing through my spine about my future and what lay ahead. Especially when it all depended only on me. I had no one to blame anymore and that felt like I had been stripped off my comfort zone. My father asked me repeatedly about my future plans and I had no answer.
This shocked me! I at least wanted to have an answer if not a plan! But I did not. I had no clue where me life was going.
The little dreamy eyed girl who landed in mumbai back in 2008 with hopes and aspirations, ready to take on the world had lost herself in the city of dreams and had been woken up from her hibernation after 2 long, well not really that long but still very long years and had been thrown into a mesh of expectations and hopes from parents and a certain invisible thing called SELF.
I started discovering me through meditation and yoga and found that all pleasures were not in pleasing others but in pleasing SELF because if you did not satisfy others, it would not bother you much but if you did not satisfy yourself, it will just create another sensation I don't have a proper phrase for but it will not let you sleep at night! Like tonight! I think rather than venting out on others like I learned to do in the past one year, writing it out on a blog serves a better purpose.
I'm happy that I made such beautiful friends but I'm going to be content only when I find that something which gets me going like nothing does. Which makes me feel complete. Satisfied with my life and the way it is going.
I would want to learn more and more about the things that interest me and a little about things which don't but are important. A little more love and joy and a lot more seriousness towards my future. Exploring into what I really want. Filmmaking? Could it be?
I want to spread my wings and take flight over the world and see whats going on at what place and grasp it all and just be aware of stuff. Stuff I have no idea of right now!
My kinda girl is someone who knows exactly what she is doing, where she is going and what is going to happen over the next year in her life while the girl that I am has absolutely no idea about what is happening tomorrow and has already forgotten what happened yesterday. So lets hope I find me and make her the me I want to be.
